Bye Ty: A Book I Felt Was Written For Me

“The Last Time We Say Good Bye” is what it says on the cover. This book is written by Cynthia Hand and honestly, a few days ago, I thought that it is one of my accidental books. I call them that because my “accidental books” are books I did not plan to buy, or books I just took off the shelf from the bookstore, paid and never read but guess what? I finished reading the book in three days because I felt like there was something connecting me and the book. It was deep. It was personal.

the last time we say goodbye

So the story is about Lexie Riggs, a girl who lost her brother to suicide. I thought I loved the book because it talks about mental health awareness and I have a special bond with topics like these, but surely, I believed there was something else. I just can’t seem to put the book down. Reading through, I was able to feel what Lexie feels, the pain that is caused by death of someone you love a lot. The pain that is caused by the guilt of not being able to say goodbye to someone important because you never knew when was the last time you’d say goodbye. I thought that was it.

The book was lovely written, and I love how it depicts the agony and heartbreak someone who experienced the death of a loved one goes through. It was a beautiful kind of pain. One that makes you realize a lot of things, and makes you regret a lot of things, too. It was reality. It was my reality, written beautifully in one book.

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I just recently lost a loved one, but not through suicide. My grandfather died the natural death, he lost the battle to cardiac arrest and I wasn’t there when he took his last breath. It was painful, and it made me feel sad and angry and secured and a mix of emotions I never thought can be felt at the same time, all at once. I found it hard to let go, to accept the fact that he isn’t with us anymore. I was in denial and I was Lexie in the book. I had questions. I wanted to talk to my grandfather so bad. I talk to him but he doesn’t answer, because he won’t, I know. Because he shouldn’t. And that is where I realized, that it wasn’t an accident I bought the book. It actually helped me realized that I must let go of what I am holding on to, and that my grandfather is gone, and he’ll never be ~physically~ back and that’s okay.

You know what’s weird and maybe coincidental? Lexie’s brother was named “Tyler” and his nickname is “Ty”. I call my grandfather Tatay, thus, Tay. It felt like every quote was addressed to me. And the ending of the book just left me shookt. Below is the photo.

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This is how I used to say goodbye to my grandfather. I kiss him, and say “Bye, Tay”. And that is how the book ended. What are the chances, right?

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I realized through the book that it’s okay to cry, and to feel like life is falling apart. I realized through the book that surrendering a loved one who passed away to the Higher Being is the best way to start healing, and through the book too, I decided that I am letting go of my grandfather, and I am moving forward just as how Lexie must have done, just as how Mama Riggs’ placed Tyler in His hand.

I’d give the book a 5 out of 5, if I needed to rate it. But more than that, the book have already established a deeper connection with me, and I’ll always remember it as the book that helped me heal.

 

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